In the heat of the moment February 9, 2010

I’m not blaming anyone but I just need to rant.

I went down to NUS for the interview. I had to starve and I couldn’t find food after that. When I eventually found subway, I realized I have no cash. I don’t have money in my bank either cos I spent everything and owe my brother 1.1k for the Oly EP1. I had to call up Bryan, Andrew and Shuyun hoping they’re in their halls on a Friday evening. I eventually got my brother to transfer cash (owing him even more than ever) to my account so I could buy some sad bread for my crying stomach. I headed straight home then. The whole evening of my almost weekend was dedicated to what amounted to almost nothing. I was pretty confident that I’ll make it through to the list but it turns out there were more guys applying. Did I appear too fucking fag for hardcore labour? This is the second time. Cambodia must really hate me.

Not to mention I was willing to earn cash for this thing when I am obviously cash-strapped.

February 9, 2010

I AM FUCKING DISAPPOINTED.

What went wrong? Seriously?

I think the superficial world is consuming me. January 30, 2010

Actually, I don’t just think, it’s definitely happening. Secondly, it’s not just consuming, it’s overwhelming. So much so that it’s very depressing. I need half a pill of Lexapro now. ):

Surviving isn’t enough January 30, 2010

I guess I’m pretty exhausted. Really.

Perhaps, not anymore. January 29, 2010

I guess, I’m just not that interested anymore. Sorry I couldn’t take pass your tests. But it is better this way, I’m sure.

Do it at home. January 28, 2010

That’s how bad it is in Japan. They actually have this to remind passengers not to unpack their purchases on board.
Singapore needs signs and spotlights to give those chatterboxy kids some unwanted glaring. Hur hur.

Gap Year January 28, 2010

If I can’t get matriculated by this year into a local uni, I decided I’d take a gap year, maybe go on a working holiday or just volunteer work abroad or something. I’m pretty sure I would get plenty of time to think about what I want and reflect on my sad 21 years of life I almost wasted.

So yes, this is my back-up plan. It isn’t an escape route where I decide to ditch Singapore without telling a word to my friends. Besides, I’m really tired of routine and a normal holiday isn’t going to make the cut for me.

I forgot to mention January 23, 2010

ORD LO! (:

January 21, 2010

I kinda miss chinese lessons. Just a bit.

I’m gonna ord soon. January 8, 2010

Which means, I’ve got to revise my life. Actually, soon-to-ord kinda awakens something inside me. The panic buttons have revived, the depression modes are all swinging back and suddenly I’m standing in the middle of the crossroad again. Everyone is moving in their own directions and you’ve none. I know this can’t go on forever, the parties won’t go on endlessly and in the end, you’ve got to pick yourself up from the mess you made. It’s time to buckle up your seat belts because from here on, it’s going to be one helluva ride.

Everything physical, mental and emotional.

11 working days left January 6, 2010

I have about that much days left in service. Of course we’re not counting my single-day leave (very pathetic, I know) and 2 days off. We’re still trying to fight for one day off. It’s amazing how desperate we are. It must suck to be one of the others in the camp who still has some months to go because we are left with hours which we can count till we ord yet we’re still putting in every ounce of effort into getting as much outside-camp time as possible. Oh well, too bad we’re not them! ;p

What is the point? Seriously. January 6, 2010

January 4, 2010

Or maybe the thin ice isn’t worth braving for. I don’t know. Mood swing. Period.

I promise January 4, 2010

I promise to think about my future, about this year’s resolutions, reflect on last year’s and consider my goals and aspirations from here on. I will do it. Just not now. I have too much in my basket and I’m still walking on thin ice. Nobody forced me to because I’m braving this for you.

2010 starts now. January 1, 2010

Happy New Year everyone! It better be a good one for us. (: