Gone.

This will probably spark a lot of chaos with people who believe otherwise contesting my opinions. But it will also give myself an idea of how I feel now when I am in my seemingly dimmed future.

In Gossip Girl context, it’s like moving away from Manhattan and settling for Brooklyn instead. When the 3 letters that thanked me for my interest in their universities and wished me good luck in my future endeavors (yes I will now need a lot of luck, thanks for realizing), I knew this struggle is over. You cannot hold any hopes on your chances via appealing because, well…  how could you convince them in less than 1000 words (for a particular uni, it’s 50 words and I honestly don’t know how their office of admissions operate and judge with say 5 sentences?). So there is always a second best – the option most sought after given an unfortunate situation. From immigration to medication, there’s always a second choice to the unavailable best option. And for tertiary education, we have… *tada!* where everyone else goes.

But it is downgrade. Because everyone knows that is the option you choose if you don’t get what you (and everybody else) wants. Because the elites are there and no one in the right frame of mind would sit through the As only to settle for lesser. Your career is jeopardized. You don’t jump start into acceleration. You take a slow walk and see what you can find along the badly trodden path. You look for scraps while your better counterparts are delivered a feast of jobs. I don’t really have a choice. There comes a time when you eventually get over it. I’m not changing my opinions because claiming that local is worse than private would be a very childish act.

I need a miracle to happen. And it isn’t the sort that drops something onto my lap. I need someone respected with better judgement, with industry experience and recognition to change my perspective. Because right now, I don’t see anything hopeful in the direction I’m heading. Whatever self-serving policies that used to be motivational and inspiring are now no longer with me. They were all dumped along with the reject letters into the waste bin.

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