The oxygen deprivation makes me do things that are out of familiarity. Like now.

I don’t think I was ever wrong to withdraw. I can’t go up and say I need boundaries to be drawn this instant because you scarred me and I’ve been wounded. I don’t know how long is this space needed. I couldn’t define it because I don’t know. So I went away. All this happened, only because you pushed me away. Actions that serve to suggest opportunities were on loop. Soft voices, word play and an invitation which represented a gesture. You created an opening only to slam it right back down while I’m halfway through. I could push or pull back – either way injuring myself. But I have swept my ego way down more than once, trampled on my own pride and braved the declinations and rejections. I am the one who don’t want to get hurt anymore. I have more rights than you to say this because I was never wrong. I never turned away voluntarily. It is amusing to realize it all started from you and each end was initiated by nobody else but. I don’t understand why you seem more frustrated than you should be. Who should feel victimized here? I feel more like a pawn of your little chess game designed to satisfy your emotional dependence. It isn’t manipulative in nature but it was built subconsciously. Even then, that isn’t grounds for destroying me.


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