3:24am

The oxygen deprivation makes me do things that are out of familiarity. Like now.

I don’t think I was ever wrong to withdraw. I can’t go up and say I need boundaries to be drawn this instant because you scarred me and I’ve been wounded. I don’t know how long is this space needed. I couldn’t define it because I don’t know. So I went away. All this happened, only because you pushed me away. Actions that serve to suggest opportunities were on loop. Soft voices, word play and an invitation which represented a gesture. You created an opening only to slam it right back down while I’m halfway through. I could push or pull back – either way injuring myself. But I have swept my ego way down more than once, trampled on my own pride and braved the declinations and rejections. I am the one who don’t want to get hurt anymore. I have more rights than you to say this because I was never wrong. I never turned away voluntarily. It is amusing to realize it all started from you and each end was initiated by nobody else but. I don’t understand why you seem more frustrated than you should be. Who should feel victimized here? I feel more like a pawn of your little chess game designed to satisfy your emotional dependence. It isn’t manipulative in nature but it was built subconsciously. Even then, that isn’t grounds for destroying me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: